we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
