She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
