The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
