I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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