dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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