Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
