Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize