if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize