seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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