drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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