u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We got so high we made milksteak
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's get the cat blown out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
