im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
