yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
