So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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