I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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