I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
