I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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