My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
