How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
