I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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