Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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