The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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