She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
