I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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