Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
