he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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