Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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