Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
