Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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