phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize