Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
