DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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