she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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