if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
