thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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