nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
