Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
