the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
