How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
