so that wasnt chicken after all
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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