There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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