I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
