he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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