so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
