Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
