I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
