There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
