You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
