Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
