Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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