i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
