My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
