I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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