Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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