So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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