If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
