kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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