Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
