My cat gives me a boner
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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