she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
