Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
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I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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